BE ASSERTIVE, BE, BE ASSERTIVE!
Assertive behaviour keeps coming up as an issue with so many of my lovely clients.
I think that's because the ability to be assertive is so critical to our wellbeing and the health of our relationships.
For many of us, myself included, being assertive doesn't come easily. We are worried about coming off too aggressive or on the other side of that coin, a pushover. Of course, our ability to be assertive is all tied in with our sense of self-worth.
Being assertive means we can figure out how we feel, express our feelings, state what we want and also be able to discuss any issues and finally negotiate, compromise or resolve problems.
Oh my goodness … even as I'm writing this I'm reflecting on that last bit about negotiation. Not my strong point😫 OUCH! (I think I'm due a kinesiology session to work on this).
A really powerful balancing technique for assertive behaviour (one I intend to implement for myself as soon as I've posted this😂) is the following method:
I feel….(e.g. hurt and ignored) I want …..(e.g.I want my recommendations to be heard) I'm willing….(eg. Could we start over and discuss this one more time and I'm willing to clarify anything you are unsure about).
Don't jump right in though, support yourself by writing down what you want to say, channel your high school drama classes and role play with 2 chairs (sit on one, talk to the other) etc. Whatever works, keep practising until you think you are ready then give it a go.
May the force be with you! Be assertive😊